Cell Phones: The best feature of my cell phone is that I can use it to have fake conversations in order to avoid real conversations.
Business Coming Before Pleasure: Business is always interfering with pleasure – but it makes other pleasures possible.
Seeing Your Sidechick On the street: If your with your Ladyfriend and see your sidechick on the street, make sure she cool with playing the “we didn’t see each other” game.
Strip Clubs: Everywhere is a strip club if you have enough money.
Free Samples: You can make anything into a free sample if you have a toothpick.
Ugly Babies: I’ll never tell you if you have an ugly baby. So you’ll have to find out another way.
Lip Rings: When you see someone with a lip ring, you should hug them and ask how they broke free from that evil giant fisherman.
Something You Don’t Know About Me: I can do one-armed push-ups with each arm at the same time.
Depression: It’s not depression if you don’t have anything to be happy about.
Facebook: I think Facebook should add a “Be there in spirit” option to event invitations.
People Needing Favors: Dear person needing favor…the least I can do also happens to be the most I can do.
Racism: I find it very racist that computer screens are black when they’re idle and turn white when the programs start working.
To Catch A Predator: If To Catch A Predator w/ Chris Hansen was recorded in front of a live audience it would be considered a comedy.
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