ABOUT

This is me:

• I speak fluent Sarcasm,

• My beard is listed on my organ donor card,

• If it weren’t for the last minute, I wouldn’t get anything done,

• I like to sleep on things beforehand than lie awake about them afterwards,

• I know homeless people who are fantastic at planking,

• I’m a nationally syndicated wordsmith,

• Driving with the windows rolled down and the air conditioning on is as close as I get to being Jay-Z,

• I always smell like I’m on vacation,

• I sometimes wonder if Michael Jordan ever misses the trash can,

• A hobby of mine is yelling “THIS IS SPARTA!” as I kick dents in the doors of Chrysler 300s,

• When I want to double my money, I fold it over once and put it back in my pocket,

• What I don’t see with my eyes, I don’t witness with my mouth,

• I think dogs shouldn’t be allowed to yawn,

•I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it,

• I accept people for who they pretend to be,

• If I don’t want an item while shopping, I put it back in the wrong spot so staff can’t be let go for not having ample work to do,

• I once had a show called The Jewelry Report on Youtube that did 75 million video views…before I got banned that is,

• I always miss 100% of the shots I don’t take,

• I’m a man who can open any jar,

• I set the people I didn’t love free. And now most of them are mine forever, apparently,

• I don’t fall before I’m pushed,

• I’ve never met a department store mirror I haven’t checked myself out in,

• If McDonald’s ever wants to change it’s name, I think ‘F**k It’ would be perfect,

• I write for a whole bunch of magazines and Hip-Hop Weekly is one of them,

• Sometimes when I’m itching my back on a wall corner I feel like I could have been an above average stripper, but not really,

• I am as handsome as I am functional,

• Sometimes I keep rephrasing the question, so that it gradually becomes the answer,

• I live every day as if it were my last because one day…I’ll be right,

• I know a guy who likes to show extra confidence at job interviews by giving a firm handshake before and after every question,

• I lift weights. Mostly in the form of grocery bags filled with food,

• I know that people that hate people are the people they hate too,

• I’m not a mouth breather,

• I’d rather just not have bad things happen to me than to learn a lesson,

• I want to be the first person to buy a boat and not talk to people about it,

• I graduated from Morehouse College,

• I believe that a great place to meet women is wherever your rich,

• I always tell the truth so I don’t have to remember anything,

• The only thing I’ve ever wanted is everything I’ve never had,

• I may not have ‘hoes’ in different area codes but I’m pretty sure I’ve left a phone charger in most of them,

• I feel like the worst part of snobbery is not having enough money to participate,

• I personally sign every piece of free jewelry. It keeps the value up,

• I’d be very comfortable at a girl’s night out. Just putting it out there,

• Sometimes I join any line I see if it’s long enough. All those people can’t be wrong,

• What would I do for a Klondike bar? Probably just give you the $1.45,

• To me…”long story short” means “I can see your eye contact getting shaky,”

• I have two settings – not talking too much and complete silence after being called out for not talking too much,

• I sometimes think that America is a place where we’re all in this together for ourselves,

• Sometimes I shave with my left hand because it makes me feels like my barber is doing it,

• My laptop gets more sleep than I do,

• I’m not looking for the truth, but I wouldn’t mind some better lies,

• The least I can do also happens to be the most I can do,

• I’ve never let lack of hunger get in the way of my eating,

• I’m smart enough to know that four out of five dentists leaves one dentist,

• I don’t wanna go “behind the scenes” of stuff that sucked in front of the scenes,

• I got homies who believe that marriage should only be between a man and his happiness,

• I know that numbers don’t lie, but a lot of lies have numbers in them,

• I believe that capital punishment = teaching murderers that murder is wrong by murdering them,

• The best feature of my cell phone is that I can use it to have fake conversations in order to avoid real conversations,

• I find it easier to make healthy food decisions on a full stomach,

• The internet has made me an expert on anything I can Google,

• I specialize in creating compelling spectacles. Like this cultural lifestyle website for men and women.

That is all.